This Song Is About You
by SweetyBird282
Summary: One-shot bvased on This Song Is About You by Olly Murs. One-sided Kogan. Latie friendship.


**I'm on a roll today! **

**though this one was written for a reason. I wanted to do something a little different (again) and I wanted to enjoy the last day of having my own computer. Yes, I have to turn it in tomorrow, because it's a school computer, and I would get to keep it over the summer if I was gonna go to the same school next year, but I'm moving halfway around the globe, so I'm not. **

**eitherway, the point being, from tomorrow on I won't have my own computer :(**

**Buuuut I still hope you enjoy the story, I think it's pretty good at least :)Although it is kind of angsty.**

* * *

"What _do_ you want, Kendall?"

My words were soft and gentle, contrary to how I really felt. I was angry, hurt. Heartbroken. I felt betrayed and lost. I had mentally killed the boy five times already and my guts were churning to the point where I was wondering if I'd actually throw up just by being around him. But on the outside I was calm, happy and curious as to what Kendall really wanted from his significant other. His words still rang clearly in my mind, how brains meant nothing, he wouldn't want a know-it-all. Nothing was worse than a know-it-all, or a genius. He trash talked every single detail about me, and it hurt.

But I wasn't going to let that show, I refused. So, instead, I put on a show and pretended that nothing was wrong, that we were still just friends, that I had never fallen for him and he never broke my heart.

"I just want somebody to love me for me, someone who accepts me just as I am and who will make a song for me to be played on the radio."

_You'll get your song on the radio, alright,_ I thought bitterly, but smiled brightly. Sometimes, I sear I should have been awarded with an Oscar for my performances. "I'm sure you'll find that someone soon," I said cheerfully and patted his shoulder in a friendly manner. Kendall smiled back at me, a smile that usually made my knees go weak, but today it just made me want to strangle him. I was really beginning to loathe the boy, in a way I never thought possible. "Well," Kendall said, breaking me from my thoughts, "I'm gonna head down to the pool."

"'Kay. I'm gonna head to the studio," I muttered, the lyrics already forming in the back of my mind. "Sure, see ya later Logie," Kendall said cheerfully and retreated to our shared bedroom, undoubtedly to change into his swim trunks.

I just shook my head at how oblivious he could be and hurried off to the studio.

I sucked in a deep breath as I stepped through the double glass doors of Rouque Records. The faint smell of coffee and leather furniture filled my lungs equal to that euphoric relief of escaping the heavily polluted big city for the fresh mountain air. The studio was back to its usual calm and quiet when the three monkeys, or maybe just lunatics, otherwise known as my band mates ceased to vacate the building. In that very moment I understood why Gustavo always seemed to want us as far away from the studio as possible when it wasn't strictly necessary for us to be there. I could see the beauty of the silent studio, like the Mecca of inspiration it was meant to be. I took a seat at the white leather couch, suspiciously similar to Le Corbusier the-

"I really need to stop studying design history," I muttered under my breath and picked up the pen and paper, permanently situated at the table, also a design classic, for this very reason – impromptu song writing. Or just emotional venting. Which all in all tends to be the same thing.

I started scribbling random thoughts down.

"This is my confessional  
Pen and paper I'm gonna write this down," I muttered as I wrote.

_What exactly am I saying?_ I wondered to myself as what could be a verse started forming.

Thoughts appeared and disappeared for a long time. Page after page filled with my cryptic feelings, the anger, the hurt and the heartbreak. All of it, a piece of my soul really, floating with the navy blue ink of the withered ballpoint pen from the confines of my deepest, farthest off parts that I only dared to enter in absolute solitude, onto the slightly yellowed paper. Heavy thoughts and feelings, complex combinations hard to decipher, seeming so light, so plain and simple. Feeling like I couldn't get it right, all of it had been bottled up so long the fine wine had not aged with grace, but grown bitter and evaporated, ruining the lengthy process of perfecting the taste. The scribbled words and sentences nothing but a damaged bottle of wine, I crumpled the paper together and tossed it in the trash bin. Allowing myself to glance at the clock, I discovered I had been sitting there for a little over two hours, wallowing in my own thoughts and pain. Surely, there had to be one way or another to use that, all I felt for Kendall, to write the song I had so lightly begun.

I sat like that for another hour, scribbling down poetic sentences, and some – or most – a futile attempt at something cryptic and beautiful, yet deep and personal. Gustavo was right – songwriting wasn't as easy as just putting down the pencil and poof, you have a song not more than five minutes later. No, songwriting was as complex of an art as any other art form. The beauty of any art form was being able to strip it down to almost nothing, yet make it beautiful- to make it tell a story with a few strokes of a paint brush, or the gentle, airy tone of a song or the light details of a timeless couture Chanel dress. Not that women's fashion was my forte, but I had spent one too many a night with Katie being the only other occupant of the apartment as she sat glued to a book about fashion history. Katie was, strangely enough, one of my closest friends – even closer than James maybe. Although I would never actually admit to that. Katie was indeed an intelligent young woman, and a great friend. Quite honestly, I was surprised she didn't really have any friends of her own.

My thoughts strayed back to the paper in my hands, and automatically Kendall. On second thought it wasn't all that weird after all. Kendall had a tendency to be a bit… too overprotective, resulting in chasing everyone to ever get passed the stage of acquaintance far away from his poor little sister.

Finally I gave up on my scribbling, figuring it wasn't going to get me anywhere and decided to move myself in to studio A. If I was going to make a song, I would need a melody at some point either way. I sat there aimlessly playing the piano for another lengthy hour, until a knock on the glass door sounded over the gentle chime of the piano keys. Katie poked her head inside.

"Do you mind if I come in?" she asked softly. "No, not at all," I said with a smile, a genuine one this time. It felt good to smile a genuine smile for a change. "What are you doing here, Kate?" I asked as she slumped down next to me on the piano bench. "Mom asked one of us to go find you, and Kendall informed us that you said something about going to the studio, so I volunteered to go and get you. I figured you wanted to escape those lunatics if you decided to come all the way out here," she said gently. I liked how relaxed we could be around each other, we could just sit around reading our separate books and just enjoy the silence, where as with the guys there was always something going on and almost impossible to read anything. Katie and I seemed to be very similar creatures though, which might be why we enjoyed the other's presence so much, without having any romantic feelings getting in the way.

I chuckled lightly. "You know, I'm pretty sure you know me better than the guys do," I noted and playfully nudged Katie's shoulder. "That's because I'm not as self centered or busy with looking at girls as they are, that I actually pay notice to my friends. Which reminds me, are you okay? From what I hear you've been gone for about six hours."

I mentally debated what to do. I would always say that yeah, I was fine, if anybody asked. But this was Katie, probably my best friend if I was being completely honest with myself, and I didn't really want to lie to her. "I won't lie, no I'm not okay," I said and immediately twirled back to the piano as a melody played inside my head. Finally a proper song was forming! Katie laughed and shook her head as she got up, knowing there was no use in talking to me when I was concentrating. "I was going to tell you dinner will be ready in about half an hour, and we're talking about this later," she said, leaving no room for discussion as she left.

I wrote down what turned out to be the bridge before I packed up and left the studio, to go home for dinner. As expected, Katie forcefully interrogated me as everyone else in the apartment had gone to bed. And by that I mean she made us each a cup of hot chocolate with whipped cream and marshmallows topped with a sprinkle of cinnamon, and sat me down on the couch asking me what was wrong. I told her everything, making sure that no one else would be able to overhear anything if they wanted to.

The next day I returned to the studio, completing the song and ran into Gustavo while I was playing it. Or rather, I went to his office, asking him if I could record and release one song – just me, no one else – which he reluctantly agreed to after hearing it and me telling him for the eleventh time that I was _not_ leaving Big Time Rush.

Not even a month later, it was being played on the radio for the first time. We were all by the pool, hearing it playing gently over the hotel speakers. Katie looked at me, then almost glared at her brother who sat at the opposite side of the pool from Katie and me, naturally having figured the song was about him.

_This is my confessional_

_Pen and paper, I'm gonna write this down_

_Saying things you never thought_

_That were on my mind,_

_Let the truth pour out  
_

_Cause I'm tired of the games  
_

_I won't lie, no I'm not ok,  
_

_You were wrong, you're to blame,  
_

_Now the world knows your name_.

"_So here you go,  
You finally get a song about you on the radio  
Are you happy now that you broke me down?  
Now I curse the day that I met you  
I hope you know this song is about you,  
This is no mistake, yes I meant to  
I hope you know this song is about you, about you!_" I couldn't help but to hum along to the text, occasionally glancing at my inspiration for the song.

_This song is about you, yeah!  
Seem I'm feeling better now,  
I like the way our heads lifting off my chest,  
Should have done months ago  
If I knew back then it would feel like this,  
Cause you done all the games  
I won't lie, no I'm not ok  
You were wrong, you're the blame  
Now the world knows your name_

Kendall caught me glancing at him, his proud smile dropping to a frown, before metamorphosing into deep confusion, and for a split second, what looked like pain.

_So here you go,  
You finally get a song about you on the radio  
Are you happy now that you broke me down?  
Now I curse the day that I met you  
I hope you know this song is about you,  
This is no mistake, yes I meant to  
I hope you know this song is about you, about you.  
_

Kendall looked back at me, soundlessly asking if it was indeed about him.

_When you hear this play,  
I hope you feel the same way that I felt that day  
That you let me, yeah you left me,  
This is my confessional  
Pen and paper I'm gonna right this down._

So here you go,  
You finally get a song about you on the radio  
Are you happy now that you broke me down,  
Now I curse the day that I met you  
I hope you know this song is about you,  
This is no mistake, yes I meant to  
I hope you know this song is about you, about you  
About you, about you, about you,  
This song is about you, yeah,  
This song is about you  
This song is about you, oh.

I joined in with the sound of my own voice over the speakers, at a normal decibel level, all the while I was looking at Kendall, telling him that yes, it was about him.

As the song ended, cheers sounded around the pool, my crowd obviously enjoying the song. Several people got up to comment on the song, telling me how much they liked it, how much they didn't like it and how different it was from Big Time Rush. I could see Kendall get up, tears heavy in his eyes. He eventually made it through the crowd of people surrounding me. Up close, I could see a few tears had escaped. He looked beyond broken, almost like I felt around him lately, his mouth opened as if he wanted to say something, then closed again. "I – I'm sorry," he whispered, his voice portraying more emotion than what his words ever could. He was sorry, he was hurt and still a little confused, each feeling branching off with so many reasons I almost felt bad for him. Almost. Then Kendall turned around, leaving me behind. A hand lifted to the face of his retreating figure, he was wiping tears.

"Me too, Kendall. Me too."_  
_


End file.
